Laziness

La-zy- adjective: 1. adverse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent
2. slow-moving; sluggish: a lazy stream

So I am in an extreme state of Lazy these days. It is a chronic problem for me but it has hit a peak it has never quite reached before. It is most obvious in the current state of my house. I swear if someone broke in to rob my house they would turn around and walk out thinking that the place had already been robbed. I am doing better at keeping up with the dishes but that's about the only thing that is getting done in the house these days. I am not exaggerating in anyway. I will post pictures if people really don't believe me. You can't walk through the house without tripping on, stepping on or being jabbed in the foot by any number of toys, silverware (clean that the kids have deieced belong on the floor), clothes, towels, blankets, pillows, empty boxes, bits of trash.

Ok so I say all this not just to whine. I seriously want to change. I hate living this way this is in no way what I want for my children, myself, or my home. I know it is more than just the season, which totally plays a part for me. I am starting to think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am just so overwhelmed by everything. I really want to be motivated to get up an take care of this. This playing out in more than just the housekeeping, though that is the most obvious. I am not taking very good care of myself. Most of the time we don't eat breakfast or at least noting of any substance. I am not getting any exercise at all. I am not making any effort to do fun things with the kids. I can't remember the last time we sat and did a craft.

I want to get off the couch, well futon, and be outside playing with my kids. I want to really be excited about planning and starting our garden. I want to have the desire to keep my house in order and not just crisis clean when I want to have people over. I want to have a good routine with the girls. I want to engage them in activities that we will all enjoy. I want to be myself again.

Maybe it's Dave being gone that has exacerbated this. I feel like half of me is missing. We have been in contact as much. Its hard not having my best friend, my sounding board, my counselor, my love.

It is more than that though there is a piece of me that feels like it's dying. It's a tiny ember deep in side me that just wants to be stocked in to a roaring bonfire. I just can't find the fuel. What is the fuel that will ignite the blaze?

I am busy!

I am going to probably be a bit flaky with the posting for a while. I am starting a major undertaking in the house and then I will be going on vaca till January. A three week road trip with the kiddos and I. My Mom is flying out to drive with me to back to MO for Christmas. Then on to Des Monies to see this lovely lady and her brood. Next on to the in-laws in Ann Arbor, I am so excited to see them they are more like my family then my in-laws. Then the train makes a stop in Pittsburgh to see my mother-in-laws family. Finally we make our way home with a stop at Ikea on the way. Yes Iam insane to do this by myself but my kids love to travel. So we should be golden.

My Baby!!!

IS 4 TODAY!!!!! We had a great day of playing with friends and celebrating.


The smiliy birthday girl. you can't really see but she has purple sugar on her nose.
The happy little sister.The birthday girl and her birthday buddy Leah (her birthday is Sunday). Whose mama happens to be my awesome friend Patricia.

All in all an awesome 4th Birthday.

It's a little crazy thinking that four years ago today I was having baby #1 and today on her fourth birthday I have 3 amazing, beautiful girls. Wow the things that have happened in the last 4 years. Maybe I'll post about that tomorrow?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...so that picture of my dining room. Go look at it and imagine a huge blue blob on the floor between the table and the dresser.

While I was checking my email this afternoon my girls got into the paint I had put off moving from the shelf. And proceeded to pour half a bottle or more on the carpet. How am I going to explain that one to the landlord. Maybe I can get some more of it out. Why do my kids have to be so damn smart and constantly get into mischief. Oh well life goes on and so does the party. Audy's birthday playdate is tomorrow. It's also for our friend Leah, her Bday is Saturday. Happy 4th birthday you beautiful girls!!!

So those pics...

Ok so first this is my dining room now. That dresser I found it in my neighbors yard. Waiting for someone to come take it home. It does have missing drawer but I'll figure out a nice way to deal with that later. Any suggestions?
Ok the pics loaded backwards and i am having a heck of a time moving them so I'll just leave them. This is the new home for the bookshelf that used to live next to my desk see below.

There will soon be pics of my office makeover so you can see all the work I did there.This is what was were the bookshelf now lives.

So...

...that big project. Isn't finished yet and it just got bigger because my kids turned the tv room into a diaster. I still had messes in here myself. But it will all get done tomorrow. As Thursday is Audy's birthday and we are having a birthday playdate. So it has to be visitor ready. Very little gets done on Wedsdays around here with school and church. So tomorrow is D-day. I'll post pics of the bookshelf later this evening.

In the Middle...

...of big project. Overwhelmed. Wish kids would stay out of mess. Need motivation to finish. Will post pics when done. Ahhhhhh! That was nice break. Back to work now.

Just Do It!!!!

Well I have been thinking about it for awhile. And now is the time. I am going Veg. I am gonna do it in steps. There is a small amount of meat in the house still from my last shopping trip. Once it's gone I no more will come into the house. I will then only eat meat out of the house. Seeing as its the holiday season I don't want to make this whole thing hard on everyone else yet. After I get home from my Christmas travels I won't eat any meat at all.

I had to be practical about this. I am going on a three week, four stop holiday trip. I am going to have to eat at fast food restaurants. I don't need the hassle of dealing with that this year. I have to much going on.

Yes Dave that means when you get home no meat.

Random Ramble

OK so I want to post and i am gonna do a stream of consciousness kind thing. I am NOT sorry if that kind of thing bothers you or if you may be offended by anything I may say. I feel no need to apologize.

I really want to do something crafty, but my current lack of husband makes that slightly more difficult. With no one around to play with the kids while I work I get a bit tense. I have several things to start working on for Christmas. I also have a few charity projects I want to work on. I also have a quite dirty house. I have no motivation to clean. Although it does need to get done tomorrow since i have a babysitter coming while I go to a movie. Yes I am going out by myself for the first time since dave left well i shouldnt say by myself Cassidy is coming with me but at this point in my mothering carrer going out with a little baby is nothing. Its like she is just part of me. I will be so happy when my hubby gets home. It is still a long time off but am still excited about it. I sent him a box today I was really excited bout it. Hope he enjoys it. Hope he sees whats in the book there is a special gift in there.

Well my kids are climbing all over me I am outtta here. This was fun.

HOLY FREAKIN CRAP!!!!!!!!!!

MY DAUGHTER CAN RECOGNIZE WORDS!!!!!! My daughter who has never really shown much interest in words or reading. As a baby would crawl away when I tried to read to her. This wonder I call Audrey just recognized the word GRANDMA. I had the cabinet open in the kitchen while I was making my menu and shopping list for my payday shopping trip Wed. Audy looks in the cabinet and then starts talking some nonsense about GRANDMA'S. I then realized as i looked back in the cabinet that she was looking at the jar of Tastes Grandma's Peach Jam.




HOLY CRAP!!!!!! I know she is four so this isn't too out of the realm of normal but with her former lack of interest in words it is so exciting to me. We now have something new to talk about. Wow the growing she has done since starting preschool. I wonder what will happen with my future homeschooling plans.





Amelie is making me want to pull my hair out her two is so different than Audy's two. She is having lots of tantrums and aggressive behavior. Luckily she did better today at the park than she has been at other things recently.

We are all growing and learning around here recently. I have been learning alot about myself the last few weeks. For one thing I am tough as nails. I can pull my self from the edge of a cliff. Not alone I have to reach out and up. But I can come through a storm. And be better on the otherside.

Zombie

That's how I have felt for the last few days. I am not getting anything done. My house is gross. Not just messy I can live with messy. It's gross. I keep trying to get the energy and motivation to do the work that needs done. But it doesn't last long and there is always another mess that needs cleaned up when I am done. Can someone please tell my children not to touch anything in our home ever again. They can sit on the couch that's it.

Things from life

Shaving cream painting in the shower.

Let's play drums with Minnie.

The other evening we had tea at bedtime.

This is what I wake up to in the morning. I swear she doesn't sleep with that much stuff in her bed.

A yummy homemade dinner I made the other night.

Keeping Busy

Since David left I am trying to keep busy. And doing pretty good at it. We have plenty of time at home. Which I know the girls and I need. But most days we have something to look forward to. I think Fridays are going to be thrift store day while Audy is at school. The little ones and I can do better out than all four of us. Audy just doesn't do well in stores. This week while Audy was at school we went grocery shopping, to the dmv twice in one day(I forgot a paper at home), and to pass and id at the base to get stickers and the NEX to get headphones for Daddy.

Daddy needed headphones because I found the ipod that we thought we lost like EIGHT MONTHS AGO!!!!!! It was stuck in the chair in our bedroom. WTH?

I have also been working on projects around the house. The next is to change my desk/sewing area. I hope to have that done by Thursday.